Pengie Feet table

How often can you say you immersed yourself in your child's world. That's exactly what I did for the last four weeks. You could say it was a labour of love. Some just call it a hobby. Anyway you see it, it was a chance for me to show the kids my artistic skills.

Recently, Phoebe and Ernest got into a children social network activity called Club Penguin. So we decided to paint her avatar she calls Pengie Feet onto her new table. We spent a last few weekends painting. Along the way, the kids learned how good their dad is at painting. And I got some nice words from them too, which I am too embarrassed to say here. Oh, I don't know, there were some expletives like "you're a real artist", or "you're super"... You know, things that make you proud you still have something to teach the kids. Instead of the other way round, which is getting more frequent nowadays.

This was what we intended to paint in the beginning. We added Sensei Penguin which endowed Pengie Feet with a black belt for her skills in a snow, ice, fire game. Phoebe also added a rainbow which was a great touch to finish the painting.

Learning to ride a bicycle 2

I felt really proud when Ernest could finally ride a bike without support wheels (more pics here). I am sure he felt good too. I had the same feeling last year when Phoebe did the same.

A few days ago, we brought Ernest to Phoebe's school compound. The school has this synthetic rubbery compound that will break your fall and reduce its impact. That was a great motivator for Ernest to take off his two supporting wheels and ride with abandon. Phoebe was a great teacher too. We both guided Ernest until he felt confident that we would let go our hands from the handle and he could go in a straight line.

Now, if you ask Ernest if he like to use his scooter or his bicycle. He'd choose the latter. Last week he even borrowed Arlo's bike (his kinder friend) for a ride.

Resonant Minds

Why do people say that you make an impression, good or bad, the first 5 minutes into an encounter. For children, I think it may take longer. The mind is incredibly complex. But out of complexity comes simple things that you can observe daily.

Phoebe and Ernest are very close to each other. Whenever they play together, they usually wreck havoc and lay a trail of destruction. It seems that their minds operate on the same frequency. And do you know what happens when you place two objects of the same frequency very close to one another. Resonance.

It's the thing that happen when you push a swing. If you attempt to push a swing and you want to make it go higher, you have to push at the right moment. You will know if you are doing it right. Otherwise, you'll miss the outgoing swing, or worse get hit when its incoming. In either case, the swing will not go any higher. The timing (or the inverse of it which is the frequency) is crucial. In other words, if you push at the correct frequency, in this case the resonant frequency of the swing, all your energy goes into the swing and you make it go higher. In many case, the resonant frequency of a system is its natural frequency. If we push the swing at its resonant frequency it will absorb most of our energy and go higher. If we are not careful, the swing may go out of control if the applied force is too great and the resistance of the system is very small. Such is what will happen when an unbalanced wheel is rotated at its resonant frequency and it shakes uncontrollably, or when a small band marches along a bridge at close to its resonant frequency and it starts to oscillate violently.

Applying the same concept to children and you will understand the forces created by resonant minds. When Phoebe and Ernest gets together, their mind reinforces one another. If they are working on something constructive, you'll get beautiful results. Lean the other way, and what you have in your hands are two very uncontrollable kids. Worse, if we don't recognize the situation early enough, we'll have a hard time trying to calm the situation. Luckily, nature has a way of dealing with resonant minded children. Eventually, they are limited by their energy reserves and they will (relatively speaking) tire themselves out.

So, you can blame it on your brain if you don't make a first good impression when you meet a stranger. Or, you could make it work out, if you detect the situation early enough and try to rectify it by pushing the right buttons in your brain. Mind you, it will be tough. Just ask any parent of two children.

Finally, enjoy this music courtesy of Julian @ http://resonantmind.com/. I particularly like The Resonance Project - AHU.

Digital Stories

We went to the Victoria State Library last weekend. Mom had signed the kids up for the Sparky Stories event. I just tagged along not knowing or expecting much. The children were supposed to tell a story and make it into a DVD. They started by drawing (a plot) on paper and then recreating that on the computer. Phoebe's already a pro at drawing on the computer so she didn't really need much help. She did took sometime to figure out what story she wanted to tell. Ernest, on the other hand knew from the start what he wanted to talk about. Dinosaurs! His favorite subject. We had a great time, and plenty of excitement was generated when the whole family chipped in at making this production. In short, we walked out from the event feeling very pleased with ourselves. Then mom decided that we should all go shopping next...

Phoebe told a story about Santa on Christmas. It's a charming story with some action from Rudolf.

Ernest had a go at making his own digital story too. He started wanting to talk about dinosaurs at the beach, but ended up with a brave fish helping a wounded shark.

note: Thanks to the kind and patient staff at Experimedia, Terry and Mandy, who made it all possible.

Choo, choo train...

... all the way to school.

At long last, I have found a wonderful solution to get my hyperactive kids to go to school. By making it into a fun activity, of course. Now, why hadn't I thought of that. For years, we were defeated by the kids, and arrive at work beaten and exhausted. Now, with the simple steps that I am going to tell you, no longer will taking the kids to school be a chore.

All I have to say to the kids is, I'll be the head (of the train) and they follow me from behind. And off we go choo, chooing all the way to the car. I get to work on time and spend less time dragging the children to school. And when they get tired playing train, I think I will switch to a cock, bear, mother goose, or something interesting.

Finally, parents score 1 point! Hurray! and ばんざい！to that.

Train + Sleep = Learn

Do you recall the many times when your classroom teachers told you that having enough sleep is really important. That not having enough sleep and not eating healthily are just as detrimental to the body of a young boy or girl, as not going for all those piano lessons or extra-curricular activities. Yes, I do remember. But what I remember more vividly were those life-sapping marathon burn-them-midnight-oil sessions right before exams. Yes, during those very hard times, all words of wisdom were forgotten, as happy-go-lucky days were turned upside down.

Well, did you know that there is a scientific reason for needing that golden sleep. In my previous post, I talked about how punishment reinforces learning. Apparently that's not the whole story. In trying to expose the secrets of the brain, scientists have found that sleeping actually plays a major role in helping us remember what we have learned during the day [1].

Unlike the computer hard-disk or flash memory, which can save information in an instant, the brain needs time to process and carve our experience as memories. For the brain, this happens when we are asleep. So just when you thought that sleeping is needed only to regain physical strength, out comes a revelation that it is good for mental growth as well.

So, in case your 6 year old finds out about this little article and tries to be a smart alec when questioned about his/her excessive sleeping. Just tell them that, "No sleeping doesn't make you smarter. First of all, you must put in the effort to get those information in the brain (for sleep to do any good)".

[1] G. Cacalano et al., "Neutrophil and B cell expansion in mice that lack the murine IL-8 receptor homolog," Science, vol. 265, pp. 682-684, Jul. 1994.

Should I expose my 6 year old daughter to video games?

There have been many arguments going back and forth about the effects of video games on young children. I was blissfully ignoring this problem, until now. Phoebe, who will turn six soon has been bugging me to get her a DSlite, ever since last Christmas. Should I get one for her? What do I do? At wits end, I turn to fellow gamers for advise. I found a lively discussion on the internet regarding putting a gaming console into the hands of a young child. And I agree with this poster that the parent should remain in control of how their children spend their time. I quote,

Now, I know for a fact that she would love to play Animal Crossing on the DS. But whether or not she will love it is not the point. She would love to eat potato chips and ice cream for every meal, but being a responsible parent is not about giving your kid what makes them happy moment to moment...

What insight. How can you disagree with that. But then, I cannot agree with the same poster regarding the ill effects of electronic games on the development and creativity of young and impressionable kids. Yes, the time spent on playing games takes away the time for other "more productive" activities like drawing, writing and reading. I myself being a young gamer, was exposed to computer games at a young age. I feel that computers is a modern tool, just like how the pen and brush was to children many ages ago. I think that computers should be explored and taken seriously, even for a six year old. In the past, they say that the pen is mightier than the sword. But if we look into the future, I see that the keyboard will definitely be greater than both.

As such, I have decided go ahead and get her that DSlite for her 6th birthday. It will surely make Phoebe (and me?) happy, I hope...

Children + Alcohol = Dopeys

I was curiously sniffing the Guinness Beer can that my dad left on the table when suddenly I heard grandma barked, "Drink that and you'll become stupid!" When I was young, I often hear my parents preach to me about the evils of alcohol. Alcohol makes children stupid, is a phrase I hear all too often. I never really understood and just take their word for it. Not until today. I finally found out a scientific reason for this old adage.

A recent research article [1] pointed out that there is a direct link between alcohol consumption and brain damage, or more specifically neurons (brain cells) being wasted. Scientists have found a direct correlation linking alcohol content in the body to neuron degeneration. The non-too surprising finding revealed that the younger a child is exposed to alcohol, the more severe the effects are on the developing brain. And this effect is very pronounced even before the child is born. So expecting mothers, please listen to your doctors when they advise you against drinking.

Although the study was based on laboratory rats, being mammals, we have to only extrapolate the results to figure out the effect of alcohol on human beings. It was mentioned that various parts of the developing brain of the rat fetus, a few days before and after birth, suffer from deleterious effects of diluted ethanol injected into the blood stream. Let's assume that a day in the life of a rat is roughly equivalent to a year for a human and you will see why a child should not be consuming alcohol before he is old enough, at least not until the brain has fully developed.

Now you know why there is a law prohibiting sales of alcohol beverages to under-aged kids. And you thought there were only social consequences. That was my impression, until I read the article. As for the effects of alcohol (read, beer and accompanying tit-bits) on adults, you don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Just look at Homer Simpson's waistline, or the mirror. I know, I know who wants to be a 60 year old super model, right. So go ahead and indulge yourself, just don't let the kids see you doing it.

[1] C. Ikonomidou, et al., "Etanol-induced apotoptic neurodegeneration and fetal alcohol syndrome," Science, vol 287, pp. 1056-1060, Feb. 2000.

Punishment and the Amygdala

The other day, I gave Ernest a slap on the butt for peeing in his pants, moments after he said he didn't want to use the toilet. I was pretty angry that I had to clean up after him, and that he forgot about not using diapers again.

A few days later, I was reading about the part of the brain called amygdala. Most of us may have heard about the term "fight-or-flight". It is a response which is inherent in all of us when we are confronted with a life-threatening situation. This response is built into our brain when we were born. When a loud noise is heard, our pulse rate immediately shoots up, we are suddenly alert of our surroundings, ready to flee at the slightest signs of danger. The part of the brain which controls our reaction is the amygdala. In fact, research has shown that the amygdala also plays a pivotal role in the formation and storage of memory associated with emotional events. In other words, it not only has built-in default functions such as fight-or flight, it is capable of learning new functions which is based on emotional events. For example, if we experience a horrible traffic accident, we will be extremely cautious when we next get behind the wheels. In extreme cases, driving-phobia may result.

So armed, with this new found knowledge, I try to explain why physical punishment (of toddlers) still has a place at home. Punishment, reinforces learning in a way that repeated reminders cannot accomplish. I totally agree and understand anti-punishment supporters in using the soft-approach to teach youngsters. This method works because, repeated action (stimulation) will instill memory when it has reaches a certain threshold. The keyword here is threshold. In the real world, however, time and resources (read: patience) is limited. So, we need a more efficient method to instill memory i.e. make children learn. Besides repeated action works only when it is repeated between an interval where the first action has not been totally forgotten. This means that we need to continuously reinforce learning. The problem is that we may not be presented with a similar situation which enable us to convey our message at optimum intervals. What I have just described is another form of learning mechanism called Long-Term Potentiation (LTP). But, I am digressing. I am sure I will talk about LTP in the future. For the time being, let's return to punishment.

When punishment is immediately followed by a stern lesson, it causes our words to be associated with the punishment and of course the customary crying which ensues. This crying episode is acceptable because it reinforces the lesson to be learned. This leads to a lesson which will be less prone to be forgotten, just like the traffic accident event. I think that when used sparingly, physical punishment can be very effective in teaching children. Different parents have different techniques. For those who have 'heavy hands', I suggest raising your voice to an unusually high level. This may not be possible in a quiet neighborhood, less people might think you are a child-abuser. So, you may have to use a combination of not-so-high voice with a somewhat physical treatment. When administering such a punishment, I urge caution. You don't want to cause permanent physical or emotional injuries. I recall my own parents saying, "You may hit a child anywhere except the head."

That same evening, Ernest requested to be brought to the toilet. A little punishment does go a long way, I thought to myself as I hurried him to the toilet. I was pretty glad and I made sure he knows how mommy and daddy felt that day.

Disclaimer: I do not condone child abuse, nor is this is an article that delivers the same message.

Tough Dad, Soft Dad

I heard that 3 year olds can be quite difficult. It's because, this is the age where they are building up character and testing the will of their guardian. Recently, Ernest has become more and more intolerant towards our wishes. He's got to have it his way or non at all. Of course, as parents, we should not give in too easily as this will give the impression that we are weak and meek. How do you get a 3 year old to be on time, listen to you and not throw a tantrum all the time. That's a difficult question.

The other day, I was struggling to feed Ernest during dinner time. I was somewhat successful at the dining table, but all efforts to get him to brush his teeth were in vain. He just refused flatly. This was followed by about 10 minutes of power struggle before mom finally came to the rescue and took him away. This morning, I was trying to get Ernest to put on his trousers for school. Alas, he refused every single piece of it. This went on for some time, having exhausted his collection of pants which amounted to 5 pieces, over and over again. Finally, at wits end, I held him near, consoled him as he was every bit as tired as me after that endurance test and finally managed to put it on for him.

All these episodes, brings me to realize that a 3 year old's vocabulary is really limited. They have many feelings that they cannot described fully to us and that we just fail to recognize the signs. Being a parent, we need to see them and react accordingly. Sometimes, by loosening up a little, we can be more effective in persuading the little one to our wishes.

Happy parenting!

Ernest enjoying a burger in his favorite Boukenger sweater

Brushing teeth routine made easy

I got a remark from a parent the other day saying how nice and white the children's teeth are. As any proud parent, we beamed with pride inside but just brushed off that as a 'that's nothing' remark.
Do you ever have problems getting your children to 'want' to brush their teeth? I just found out a neat trick. It has to do with the toothpaste. I recently got a toothpaste that the kids just loved. It's from Kao. The paste itself is colored and although I haven't tried it, I guess it must taste more like fruit jelly than your normal toothpaste. Nowadays, I don't have to force them to brush their teeth, they do it all by themselves. Of course, I help them with the more thorough cleaning after that.

p.s. No, this is not an advertisement for Kao. I am pretty sure other brands are just as good, but for the kids, they particularly liked this one.

Boys and girls are wired differently

OK, today I talk about how boys and girls are different. You already know the difference between boys and girls in terms of physical build, anatomy etc. And then I am sure you also hear scientist argue how the brains of girls and boys are programmed differently. I got a first hand look at the results of this theory. I got a dinosaur and a doll for my two children. Can you guess which one they choose to play with. Ernest is just so fascinated with dinosaurs and Phoebe, she sticks to dolls and pretty dresses. Actually at one point in time, Phoebe actually played with animal toys, but over time, she just don't play with them anymore. Maybe it has to do with the environment as much as it has to do with DNA. Any comments.

The Science of Raising Kids (The hyperactive-type)

Have you ever wondered how an ant can carry more than 50 times its own weight. Or how it seem to run so fast, it looks like a bouncing bullet in perpetual brownian motion. The simple answer is because it is so small. The scientific answer has to do with its body surface area-to-body mass ratio. But I will spare you the mathematics. The thing is, the smaller you get the stronger or faster you will seem to be.

Knowing this fact does not make it any easier for you to chase after a nitro-charged 3-feet tall monster. But after thinking hard about why I am bummed-out even before I start my work in the morning because I have to rush the kids to school, I came up with this trick that may just work.

Let's pretend you are a car running on 50 liters of gas. And your kid is actually a bunny running on energizer batteries (the long lasting type). For the sake of argument, let's make him run on gas too and that his full tank is a mere 3 liters. Although a direct relationship is difficult, it's easier to work things out if you imagine that your tank capacity equals your age. Ofcourse, this does not work for a 77-year old grandpa. I am assuming that you have not yet reach midlife crisis and that you still eat a healthy meal. OK, back to our story. Altough you have the bigger gas tank, you have to unfortunately lug around a lot of weight too. In comparison, a little child has a smaller tank but his weight is much smaller. One good number that comes to mind is mileage. A sub-compact gets so much more bang-for-buck compared to a 3.0L grand tourismo class vehicle. So that little car can just zip around town without burning too much fuel. The same applies to people too. Although kids are no good for 20km marathons, they are deadly when confined to a small room for anything longer than 30 minutes. So how do you handle the 3-year old kid. Just confine your movement to sporadic quick bursts.

Look at this graph. Here hyperactive kids are always on the move and they spend a lot of power during their running-stopping motions (orange). Meanwhile, adults who don't move so fast, can conserve energy. We know that energy reserve expend fast for kids as energy, E is a product of power, P with time. So if we were to limit our movements to brief spurious motions, like that of a crocodile lurching at its prey, we can then beat those nasty kids.
Try it and let me know how well you fare.